12/08/2007
Breathe - Breathe - Breathe
The changes in my eyes say that air is next in need.
12/15/2007
People say that we shouldn't have regrets. Regrets hold us back. Dwelling on the past keeps us from
moving forward.
People say that but what's to be done when you already HAVE regrets and a tendency to dwell? The
truth is, having regrets is one thing, being able to live with them is another all-together.
12/20/2007
The destination is less than the journey. Its what happens on the way to where we're going that
matters, right? That being said, why bother GOING at all. If the destination eventually becomes
irrelevant, overshadowed by the events between beginning and end, then what is the point of a goal?
How can you justify deciding on where to go or even why you go when the trials are the key?
12/26/2007
It’s done. Two and a half weeks of panic, sweat and planning…done. The party went relatively
smoothly but in the end, all I can think of is the sweetest sleep I’ve had in months. 11 friggin hours of
being passed out was likely the most I’ve had since Jorge quit. I had my phone on silent and apparently
worried the fam but it was all worth it.
12/27/2007
On the road again….i’m on the road again. Traveling day involved stops for food, gas and shopping. I’
m so, so tired of shopping and wasting time. The only upside is that I had some fun times plotting
weekend rendezvous over txt messages. It ended up taking approximately 12 to get from my place to the
house in phx. Far too long for my tastes.
12/28/2007 p1
The world just shrank again. I took two steps in the sand and found myself in a castle with walls of my
own design. Walking the corridors, the tapestries tell tales from my life. A walk in a park. A love affair.
The halls are long, dark and comfortable. I find my way with ease.
People pass without making eye contact. Their faces are familiar like dream-walking through a photo
album. I think I knew one from school and one as a child. They are here and gone so quickly names
never form, just a faceless mass outside recognition. I stand on a balcony looking over the land and all
looks well. Green as far as the eye could see...and further still. As I begin to notice something in the
distance, I feel a pull. A hallway at my back calls me toward a room with two thrones. They stand on a
stage above the crowd as a church or theatre…or both. The queen is away, her throne last sat on days
or years since the dust settled. Under pretense and assumption, I feel this is my home. It lives in my
mind built from hope and blood. A life of posturing lets one see it fairly well. In my heart, I knew I
was wrong but I approached anyways. To know something to be true is quite different than to accept it.
As I came forward to the edge of the stage, the chair seems enormous. I found my way to the seat but
felt as an ant below an old oak tree. A drop of ink by its pen. My head never met the rest and my feet
failed to feel the floor. Obvious but still worth saying, this was not my chair.
All of the sudden, I feel like Goldilocks rather than King Arthur. “This chair doesn’t quite fit right…”
In shock at this revelation, I checked all the chairs in the room to no avail. My chair was no longer
here, maybe it never even belonged to this home. I walked through adjoining rooms, looking at the
walls in a hurried pace. The tales told here loop a pivotal time of change and destruction. The words
into images show me the fall of an empire, a kingdom at its knees. The walls coming down like
Jericho.
The last that I see in my frantic rush shows a man at a portal with a chair waiting outside. Looking
around and to the sides, I see the portal in the image ahead of me. I rush through to find my seat just
to catch my breath. On the other side, I find myself standing alone in a field. The grass to my knees
and sky clear above. Rubble surrounds as if a bloodless war had beaten my home to submission. My
comfort and rest followed. The walls of my making stood inches high. The tapestries, not a shred long
enough to wrap a torch in the night...All that stands of my memory is a tattered strip of a flag that
spoke of a time long done and a chair in a field. I take my seat at last, triumphant and defeated. . . .
the door is gone and there is nothing left to return to but I still wonder. I still wonder.
12/28/2007 p2
My heart and mind betray me. I blame the alcohol but I know the truth. That taste and touch is all I
have ever wanted. I could lie to myself but then that'd be a lot of lying. A part of me will never move
on.
12/29/2007
The wedding was GREAT! I have never had so much fun at a wedding as i did today. Ok, so i spent
half of the time working, i still managed to get some fun out of it. The people i talked to were
genuinely interesting and intelligent while rarely missing a beat in comedy :D. Lets take it from the
beginning.
I rode out to the desert for the wedding of an old friend. Lets be honest, it was also to get away from
LA for a while. Multi-tasking man = me. I arrived on Thursday night, spent MOST of Friday shopping
for new formal clothes to wear (successfully) and verified that I needed to arrive at Laura's (bride's)
house a little early to help set up. It took an hour to get ready because i'm JUST THAT VAIN and got
to the house at about 930am. Heh, I remember walking across the street seeing people rushing around,
thinking i should find someone i recognized and find out where they needed me. Walking in, i looked
to the left and saw two girls around a table. One getting makeup done and i assumed the other was
waiting her turn....to my surprise, the non-makeup-girl turned out to be Regina, an old classmate from
college that I really should have recognized. She was only roommates with two different sets of friends.
Embarrassed, i asked if she'd seen Laura or Pam (Laura's sister) to which she responded, "Laura's right
here (getting her makeup done)". Alan (Laura's not-so-baby-brother) came from behind surprising me
with how non-baby-brother he was. Shock abounds. The first ceremony in Laura's house was
traditional Vietnamese. The one thing i learned was that only single guys can handle to roast pig in
the gift giving end of things.
The second ceremony was at the Tempe Center of the Arts. I'd never been there before. Its an
architecturally beautiful building surrounded by some of the few lush areas of phoenix. One side has a
lovely view of water and one of those never ending ponds...but i digress. By this time, i'd buddy'd up
with Pam's boyfriend. The buddy-system is the safest way to go in most scenarios. He and I spent the
Traditional "American" ceremony in the back since the front was all crowded. Laura was beautiful in
her white dress (i'd have commented on what she was wearing in the other ceremony but i really
couldn't see her :P) I was a little distracted by a couple of little boys goofing off in the back of the
crowd but in the end, it was a lovely ceremony in a lovely setting and i hope i get to see the pics :P
The friends and family of the bride/groom went straight from the 2nd ceremony to where the
reception was held. This was actually kind of cool cuz the group was all in our age bracket and we had
time to chat and goof off :P Once things kicked off, we had our fair share of comedy. Starting with the
little-girl-lush who downed more'n 12 cups of punch the later passed out on her mom. Then there was
the entrance-walk to the theme song of Top Gun :O Then there was the laughable accidental catching
of one of the garter belts. I'd been joking with Alan and Dave about how i'd be throwing them on that
grenade when it fell...whoops. How was I to know that there'd be 3 garter belts thrown? There were
some drinks, some photos, and a little bit of dancing. Yes, i said dancing, what of it? :P Personally, i
think the best part was singing along to the songs with the group at our table >
12/30/2007
**Happy Birthday to ME! I slept in, in my own bed no less :D **<MORE DETAILS LATER>
12/31/2007
**I had the strangest dream last night. It involved a lot of running,
friends and family not being who they were or showing what they
wanted until it was too late for me and oddly for me, DAYLIGHT was my
salvation....I'm writing out the details on paper cuz this dream
lasted WAY too long and was far too realistic. I woke up just shy of
a panic. Heh, great way to start the new yr.** <MORE DETAILS LATER>
Breathe - Breathe - Breathe
The changes in my eyes say that air is next in need.
12/15/2007
People say that we shouldn't have regrets. Regrets hold us back. Dwelling on the past keeps us from
moving forward.
People say that but what's to be done when you already HAVE regrets and a tendency to dwell? The
truth is, having regrets is one thing, being able to live with them is another all-together.
12/20/2007
The destination is less than the journey. Its what happens on the way to where we're going that
matters, right? That being said, why bother GOING at all. If the destination eventually becomes
irrelevant, overshadowed by the events between beginning and end, then what is the point of a goal?
How can you justify deciding on where to go or even why you go when the trials are the key?
12/26/2007
It’s done. Two and a half weeks of panic, sweat and planning…done. The party went relatively
smoothly but in the end, all I can think of is the sweetest sleep I’ve had in months. 11 friggin hours of
being passed out was likely the most I’ve had since Jorge quit. I had my phone on silent and apparently
worried the fam but it was all worth it.
12/27/2007
On the road again….i’m on the road again. Traveling day involved stops for food, gas and shopping. I’
m so, so tired of shopping and wasting time. The only upside is that I had some fun times plotting
weekend rendezvous over txt messages. It ended up taking approximately 12 to get from my place to the
house in phx. Far too long for my tastes.
12/28/2007 p1
The world just shrank again. I took two steps in the sand and found myself in a castle with walls of my
own design. Walking the corridors, the tapestries tell tales from my life. A walk in a park. A love affair.
The halls are long, dark and comfortable. I find my way with ease.
People pass without making eye contact. Their faces are familiar like dream-walking through a photo
album. I think I knew one from school and one as a child. They are here and gone so quickly names
never form, just a faceless mass outside recognition. I stand on a balcony looking over the land and all
looks well. Green as far as the eye could see...and further still. As I begin to notice something in the
distance, I feel a pull. A hallway at my back calls me toward a room with two thrones. They stand on a
stage above the crowd as a church or theatre…or both. The queen is away, her throne last sat on days
or years since the dust settled. Under pretense and assumption, I feel this is my home. It lives in my
mind built from hope and blood. A life of posturing lets one see it fairly well. In my heart, I knew I
was wrong but I approached anyways. To know something to be true is quite different than to accept it.
As I came forward to the edge of the stage, the chair seems enormous. I found my way to the seat but
felt as an ant below an old oak tree. A drop of ink by its pen. My head never met the rest and my feet
failed to feel the floor. Obvious but still worth saying, this was not my chair.
All of the sudden, I feel like Goldilocks rather than King Arthur. “This chair doesn’t quite fit right…”
In shock at this revelation, I checked all the chairs in the room to no avail. My chair was no longer
here, maybe it never even belonged to this home. I walked through adjoining rooms, looking at the
walls in a hurried pace. The tales told here loop a pivotal time of change and destruction. The words
into images show me the fall of an empire, a kingdom at its knees. The walls coming down like
Jericho.
The last that I see in my frantic rush shows a man at a portal with a chair waiting outside. Looking
around and to the sides, I see the portal in the image ahead of me. I rush through to find my seat just
to catch my breath. On the other side, I find myself standing alone in a field. The grass to my knees
and sky clear above. Rubble surrounds as if a bloodless war had beaten my home to submission. My
comfort and rest followed. The walls of my making stood inches high. The tapestries, not a shred long
enough to wrap a torch in the night...All that stands of my memory is a tattered strip of a flag that
spoke of a time long done and a chair in a field. I take my seat at last, triumphant and defeated. . . .
the door is gone and there is nothing left to return to but I still wonder. I still wonder.
12/28/2007 p2
My heart and mind betray me. I blame the alcohol but I know the truth. That taste and touch is all I
have ever wanted. I could lie to myself but then that'd be a lot of lying. A part of me will never move
on.
12/29/2007
The wedding was GREAT! I have never had so much fun at a wedding as i did today. Ok, so i spent
half of the time working, i still managed to get some fun out of it. The people i talked to were
genuinely interesting and intelligent while rarely missing a beat in comedy :D. Lets take it from the
beginning.
I rode out to the desert for the wedding of an old friend. Lets be honest, it was also to get away from
LA for a while. Multi-tasking man = me. I arrived on Thursday night, spent MOST of Friday shopping
for new formal clothes to wear (successfully) and verified that I needed to arrive at Laura's (bride's)
house a little early to help set up. It took an hour to get ready because i'm JUST THAT VAIN and got
to the house at about 930am. Heh, I remember walking across the street seeing people rushing around,
thinking i should find someone i recognized and find out where they needed me. Walking in, i looked
to the left and saw two girls around a table. One getting makeup done and i assumed the other was
waiting her turn....to my surprise, the non-makeup-girl turned out to be Regina, an old classmate from
college that I really should have recognized. She was only roommates with two different sets of friends.
Embarrassed, i asked if she'd seen Laura or Pam (Laura's sister) to which she responded, "Laura's right
here (getting her makeup done)". Alan (Laura's not-so-baby-brother) came from behind surprising me
with how non-baby-brother he was. Shock abounds. The first ceremony in Laura's house was
traditional Vietnamese. The one thing i learned was that only single guys can handle to roast pig in
the gift giving end of things.
The second ceremony was at the Tempe Center of the Arts. I'd never been there before. Its an
architecturally beautiful building surrounded by some of the few lush areas of phoenix. One side has a
lovely view of water and one of those never ending ponds...but i digress. By this time, i'd buddy'd up
with Pam's boyfriend. The buddy-system is the safest way to go in most scenarios. He and I spent the
Traditional "American" ceremony in the back since the front was all crowded. Laura was beautiful in
her white dress (i'd have commented on what she was wearing in the other ceremony but i really
couldn't see her :P) I was a little distracted by a couple of little boys goofing off in the back of the
crowd but in the end, it was a lovely ceremony in a lovely setting and i hope i get to see the pics :P
The friends and family of the bride/groom went straight from the 2nd ceremony to where the
reception was held. This was actually kind of cool cuz the group was all in our age bracket and we had
time to chat and goof off :P Once things kicked off, we had our fair share of comedy. Starting with the
little-girl-lush who downed more'n 12 cups of punch the later passed out on her mom. Then there was
the entrance-walk to the theme song of Top Gun :O Then there was the laughable accidental catching
of one of the garter belts. I'd been joking with Alan and Dave about how i'd be throwing them on that
grenade when it fell...whoops. How was I to know that there'd be 3 garter belts thrown? There were
some drinks, some photos, and a little bit of dancing. Yes, i said dancing, what of it? :P Personally, i
think the best part was singing along to the songs with the group at our table >
12/30/2007
**Happy Birthday to ME! I slept in, in my own bed no less :D **<MORE DETAILS LATER>
12/31/2007
**I had the strangest dream last night. It involved a lot of running,
friends and family not being who they were or showing what they
wanted until it was too late for me and oddly for me, DAYLIGHT was my
salvation....I'm writing out the details on paper cuz this dream
lasted WAY too long and was far too realistic. I woke up just shy of
a panic. Heh, great way to start the new yr.** <MORE DETAILS LATER>
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